Brokenness
A Blog Carnival celebrates the ideas and thoughts of a group of people who Post on one theme. My Post today is part of a Blog Carnival organized and hosted by Bridget Chumbley http://www.bridgetchumbley.com/. The theme word for this week is brokenness. This is my contribution.
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My first thought each morning was, “Oh no, not another day.”
I was the caregiver for my mother-in-law, a victim of Alzheimer’s. She and my father-in-law lived next door to us. My husband and I had built our dream home close to them, because we could look ahead and see that they would someday need our daily care.
That concept sat comfortably in my mind until the reality actually set in. Caregiving is a messy process. I was ready for that. After all, I’m a mom. I wasn’t as well prepared for how exhausted I would be, but even that was something I eventually learned to handle (most days!).
The emotional toll was a far greater burden.
Gradually, as my mom-in-law’s disease progressed, I had to turn my back on a successful writing career, give up my hobbies, my activities, and eventually most of my freedom. Even a trip to the store had to be planned at least a day ahead. Worst of all, I watched myself turn into a whining, complaining person that I didn’t like one bit, someone who, I was quite sure, God didn’t like either. Loved, yes. Liked, no.
Finally one morning my spirit shattered. I got down on my knees and told God that I needed His help. I begged that He would give me the wisdom to shut my complaining mouth and open my heart. Instead of self-pity, I would choose to praise God. Instead of pride in my own accomplishments, I would focus on my mother-in-law’s gentle spirit. Instead of resentment at the losses in my life, I would see the beauty of God’s good earth.
I wish I could say I was always one hundred per cent successful. I wasn’t, but I did learn to feel God’s closeness, His understanding, and His love. In return, He taught me one of His greatest life lessons. We cannot be healed if we are not first broken.
Excellent. And I know the feeling. I just recently lost my mother to Alzheimer’s, and I often experienced the total exhaustion and broken feeling associated with it, even though she was not living next door to me.
You are right; we cannot be healed if we are not first broken. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Lisa, for your beautiful response. My prayers are with you in the loss of your mother.
You draw a picture here for all of us. I would have been right there with you, whining and complaining. And right there with you in Brokenness. Thanks for sharing this.
Brokenness and surrender seem to go hand in hand. When we are empty enough God can enter & bring blessings into our lives like “Feeling God’s closeness, His understanding, and His love”.
Beautiful post, Sue! Thanks for sharing. Blessings!
@Glynn, Thank you! Reaching out to others is such a source of strength for us when we are going through tough times.
@Mari-Anna, Yes, I think our surrender breaks down the barriers we build between ourselves and God.
Sue, I have read and re-read, and re-read again, your post above about caring for your mother-in-law. God Bless You!! It is really hitting home right now as we place my Mom in the WMH Long Term Care Facility. Thanks for the timely posting……I am trying very hard not to be ‘selfish’ with my time and to go spend as much time as I can with her while she is still here.
My heart is with you and your sisters, Lynn, in this very difficult time. Much love to all of you and your precious Mom.
Powerful post… and I love Glynn’s response. Thanks for sharing this story with us.
Thank you, Bridget, for hosting the Blog Carnival!
Lynn, we just received the news about your mother. Prayers and Much Love, Sue and Neil
Thank you, Sue. She was looking forward to going to heaven so I know she is happy.
Blessed Assurance, Lynn….
There is no god… atleast that”s how i feel after reading this
Sue i have read your post mant times while I was out in outback and waited till I got home to reply.I sure know how you felt during the time you were looking after your mother in law.It’s not easy being a carer and there are days when you think how do I kept going when all I want to do is catch up with some sleep.I can relate to all of this as I was my Aunt’s carer she had heart problems and in end the body just shut down.I was so grateful I didn’t have to put her in home and that I was able to care for her as she had given me so much during her life.Trish
@ Tera: I’m sad that my post made you feel that way. What I have found in my own life is that during the toughest trials and greatest sorrows I have felt God very, very close. When our baby daughter died of meningitis, I actually felt God’s presence or the presence of one of his angels over my head and around my shoulders for two years. It was a very real presence that I could feel physically and that helped me tremendously through the worst of my sorrow.
@Trish: You have been one of my heros, Trish, in the way you so unselfishly cared for your Aunt. You are really an encourager to all of us.
Sue! We both have something in common I also lost daughter when I was seven & half months pregnant my Appendix burst my baby only lived six half hours but my Mum got to nurse her.It’s something that you never forget but have to move on.
Oh, Trish, what a terribly difficult loss. I’m so glad your mother was there for you and for your daughter. One of the greatest things I’m looking forward to in heaven is seeing my little daughter again!